What the status would have been: I love the husband, he is the most amazing husband in the world! I'm so lucky to have found my best friend in life and I don't know what I did to ever deserve that.
What that status really meant: Today is one of the first times I think I have honestly seen and appreciated my husband for the amazing person he is. Don't get me wrong, I've loved him for a long time now and have always thought he was amazing but it wasn't until today that I realized how amazing. And how lucky I was to find him for me. Those that know my husband know that he is often times very quite, my favorite word to describe him is stoic because his natural disposition is very straight faced, and he can be awkward at times. What most people don't know is that he is my best friend. He wants nothing but happiness for me. He sees things in me that I can't see in myself and doesn't stop telling me until I believe him. He makes me laugh more that anyone I've ever known. He holds me when I am crying even when he hasn't figured how why I am crying (like today). He encourages me to be brave and pursue what I really want rather than I what I think I should want or what I think he wants. He tells me he will support me in anything and I believe him. He tells me it's ok to not have a plan even if it goes against everything I know. He sees a beautiful person standing in front of him even when I'm feeling the ugliest. He tries to tell me he's the lucky one even though I know that's really me. He doesn't always understand but he always accepts. He usually let's me win even when I shouldn't. He calls me out when necessary without making me feel down. He it always trying to be a better person and learn from mistakes and encourages me to do the same.
This weekend I received a letter from one of my best friends and it had a poem in it titled Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson. And it was something I really needed to hear.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
as children do.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
When we got engaged I went through a period of time where I was in denial that anything in my life was really going to change, I was just going to be married. Then I realized that so much was going to change. I had made plans, long term single person plans and those plans were no longer in affect. So until now I've gone along trying to figure out a new plan and so much of the time feeling lost, scared, discouraged and sometimes like a failure. I'm finally starting to realize it's no longer my plan, is our plan. The husband and my plan. It's not his plan and my plan and hoping that they work together. It's figuring it out together. I'm finding that I can ask for his help in figuring it out and it's alright if it is 100% different than what I had planned before. It doesn't make it wrong, or weak or something to not be proud of. It just makes it a different plan. A married person plan. An "our" plan. A plan that includes standing out and being amazing. Not just accepting and settling. Life is going to be so perfect and finally I'm happy again.
But really: I love the husband, he is the most amazing husband in the world! I'm so lucky to have found my best friend in life and I don't know what I did to ever deserve that.